It's OK to not be OK!

"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." 

                                                                                                                                       2 Corinth 12:19, NIV

I am glad many of you found my last two posts to A level students so useful. If you are currently studying your A-levels, please do read them here and here.

I am keen to keep non UK based readers engaged so in today’s post I would like to stay true to the purpose of this blog, and use my personal journey to hopefully encourage some of you.

In today’s perfection obsessed world, I feel that there is a lot of pressure for us to always seem to have it together. I attribute a big part of this trend to USERS of social media sites.  People can practically edit and filter their lives into a perfect but very false reality.

By now, you might have the impression that my entire life is neatly organised into perfect checklists.  Not so my dears!

As the oldest of four sisters, a youth leader and a newly joined member to the corporate world I find the pressure to always be calm and collected bares its weight on me so much!

You can filter all you want, but...

To share from my own experience, I worked as a communications assistant last year. At the time of the interview, I made a lot of outlandish statements about my multi tasking skills, as most of us naturally would . I didn't realise I would be expected to be a task juggling, kick-ass ninja! In my dedication to proving to myself, my colleagues and managers that I wasn't going to crack at the first sign of pressure, I remained stoic and steadfast in the face of a huge work load. The result? More work was piled on my desk. 

Also, I wanted to hear "them" say “well done”, if only once, during the entirety of my 12 month contract!

It seemed, I was too scared to hear my boss say “if you can't handle it, then leave”. And besides I didn't want to appear weak, so I continued in my project in silently killing myself. Eventually this led to many sessions, locked up in a toilet bawling my eyes out. After my contract ended, I mentioned this In a meeting with my now former boss. She looked at me like I had sprouted an extra head. Her response was “Madeline, I wish you had spoken up at the time”

I got it in the end!

The lessons I have learnt in accepting that it is OK to not be OK.

1. Life is not always plain sailing – accept that and you are halfway there.

2. It’s OK to cry. I once read that by the time a woman sheds tears, it is actually a build-up of many frustrations. So crying is really a release, If you don’t let it out it will make you sick emotionally, mentally or even physically.

3. Not having a rose tinted life is what makes it unique. Most of all, it proves you are human!

4. Acceptance of your weaknesses gives you something to work on.

Sometimes, life is full of blunders!

From experience, these are the things I have found helpful in accepting that we don't live in a world where imperfections can be simply edited out.

(P.S. Numbers 2,3, 5 and 6 are usually done after a mini tantrum!...Yes I am working on this!)

1. I have accepted that crying is not a weakness

2. I have found a confidant I can speak to when things get rough. Everyone needs a sound board!

3. When I do lose it, or things do not go as planned, I try to think back to the route of the problem? I.e. Am I really this upset because I left my bank card at home? Did I miss my train because I wasn't organised? This has helped me to better compartmentalise my problems.

4.  I hate being stressed, so I keep a diary (or two) to stay on top of things

Get organised. It really helps!

5. I am now in the habit of asking myself, “In the next year, will this even matter?”. If the  answer is no, then I keep it moving.

6. My other favourite question is “What’s the lesson in this?”

7. I spend mornings praying, and committing the day into God’s hands. I found this makes me less nervous about the day, especially when I know it will be full of challenges.

Prayer and a cup of coffee!

Thank you for your time. I hope you have found this useful.  

I will continue on this theme in my next blog post on "Finding Perfect in your Imperfections".

P.S. I have not forgotten about the third and final instalment of my Love series!

Advice to Students: What Not to Forget Before Going to Uni!

I have found it necessary for me to do a continuation on my last post on advice to A-level students. The sheer volume of you who read it is a good indication  to me that you appreciate the advice and support.

The pride and joy of my living room

As by now, many of you may have an idea of what university you are going to (if you are going), I would like to put together a short list of things you should sort out. I went to university in London my home city, so lived at home during my four year study. So admittedly even though I had A LOT to prepare, I probably wasn't under so much pressure like my counterparts travelling to elsewhere in the country.

My sister is currently going through this process with many of you, and in helping her with her prep we are having to organise the following:

1. Accommodation

If you are not able to stay at home (or frankly do not want to!), one of the first things you would need to sort out is where you will be living. For most of you this will probably be your first long stay away from your family, and although a foray into adult life, is a very exciting  time.

For your first year, it is best to opt for student halls on your uni’s campus. You really do not want to be dealing with landlords at this point, and also as a first year student you are a priority to your uni’s accommodation service. Accommodation should be easily organised through your university’s website, prospectus, or accommodation guide.

Another food resource is My Student Halls

2.Finance

Student bank accounts offer benefits such as a 0% overdraft, and high street vouchers. It’s best to shop around and find the best account for you. Please just do not opt for bank which has a branch in your uni’s campus. Ask for an information pack from each high street bank. Also, a good source of fair information is Money Saving Expert.

If you are a UK student, you should be entitled to a student loan, which will allow you to pay for your tuition and other study related expenditures.  Check out the Student Finance website for more information. Depending on your circumstance and/or the course you intend to study, you may be eligible for additional grants and bursaries. You will need to consult Student Finance or your course administrator for advice.

Another good source of information is Save The Student

3.NUS Card

Most students in a higher education institution should be entitled to a discount in a number of retailers, when they provide their student card. However, there are many shops that require you to show an NUS card. For just £12, why not get an NUS card, which will give you access to so many discounts online and on the high street, plus much more. Visit the NUS website for more details.

By the way, the NUS, does so much more than offer a discount card. It is an organisation devoted to defending and promoting student rights, so it is worth joining!

4.Travel

If you are studying outside of your hometown or home city, it is definitely worth getting a 16-25 Railcard for a third off all rail journeys. 

You can get one for free if you open up a student account with Santander!

If you are studying in London, take my word for it when I say travelling around the city is EXPENSIVE BUSINESS. Please, please apply for a Student Oyster Card. The scheme is closed at the moment, but will reopen when your university’s registration period has begun. If you find you have trouble applying after your uni’s registration date it will be worth asking for advice at your university’s student services office.  

5.Shopping List

Lastly, you will of course need to do a spot of shopping to help your transition into uni life comfortable. You will need to buy kitchenware, bedroom sets, stationery and books. For things for the kitchen, your room and stationery, I recommend Wilko, Primark and Argos, as they all sell great pieces at affordable prices. With Argos, you can make your order online and pick it up near uni!
It’s also worth looking in a £1 shop or 99p store if you have one near you.  I really believe in cheap and cheerful when it comes to shopping for uni.

Or you can go for something fancier!

For course books, you should wait until you are on campus, because you probably won't know what books you will need yet! Also because most campuses  have a bookshop that will  sell most of your course books. Your tutors are probably the best people to advise you on what to buy where anyway.

That’s it my lovelies. This list is by no means exhaustive as I have gathered my info from memories from ten years back, as well as my sister’s get ready process at the moment, however it’s a start.

My last piece of advice is to make the best of your uni years. It’s very expensive! However it’s not ALL about studying. Learn life skills. Have fun. Make friends. Embrace and love the different people you meet, but do not by any means lose who you are!

You should be fine!

If you would like to ask me further advice on any of the points discussed, or have any uni related angst and would just like to talk, please send an email to souljournersstory@gmail.com.

P.S. Good luck GCSE students. No matter the outcome, you CAN succeed in life. 

Advice to A-level Students. I have Walked the Walk Before.

I have decided to interrupt my series on Love, with a post that I feel urgently requires my attention, especially on a day like today. The primary focus of today’s entry is to encourage and motivate students out there receiving their A-level results.  By the time this is posted, you probably would have already opened that brown envelope, and will probably have some idea about your next step in life.

Graduation day was six years ago!

Congratulations to you if you achieved the grades you were expecting. Unless you are the biggest cheater going, or the luckiest person on earth my guess is that you worked hard for those grades and deserve them. But, I have told my youth group that whether they achieved the grades they wanted or not they are to be proud of themselves, and I do want to spend a little time speaking to you if you didn't achieve the grades that you needed to get into university.  

Firstly, know that there is a purpose for your life no matter what. If the Nokia 3310 phone case has a purpose on this earth, then trust me,  a living breathing human being, complete with a body, spirit and soul has also been put on here for a reason.  You may just require a little bit of rerouting and extra thought to discover what that reason is.

Also, trust me as someone who has ran the race, A-levels will be the most difficult academic assessment you will ever undergo.

It beggars belief that it was a good ten years ago since I stood at the A-level/university threshold myself. It was a very scary and exciting day I remember. I didn't do as well as I had hoped, but I did fortunately get into the university of my choice.

This mainly applies to my UK readers, but if you are reading from elsewhere I hope this shows you that there is more than one route to success.

If you feel despondent because of what that important piece of paper says,  consider the following. Even if things did go your way please still read on.

1.       The most obvious is to see if you can find a course through the UCAS clearing application process. I know it’s a very stressful process to go through as it involves a period of uncertainty. However, click on this link: https://www.ucas.com/ucas/undergraduate/apply-and-track/results/no-offers-use-clearing, and reclaim some control. Use the clearing tool to look for the course you would like to study first and see what universities are offering that course. From there, there should be info on how to apply. Please also read all the advice on the clearing pages as it will help you to make an informed decision. Clearing is by no means equivalent to failure so please do not beat yourself up if you are going through this process. 

2.       This year, the cap has been lifted on the number of students universities can take on, so why not just try taking a shot at calling your preferred university’s admissions hotline and speaking to someone. You just never know, there may be a place for you!

3.    You can take on an apprenticeship, and learn a trade or a skill. I have known people to do an apprenticeship with a company they love, or in a field they are interested in, who have gone on to be very successful people in life. The best place I can refer you to is the government’s Apprentice web page.https://www.gov.uk/topic/further-education-skills/apprenticeships

In the end, it will all work out. You'll see!

4.       If you have African parents, they will probably hate me for saying this but university is not the way, the truth and the life. It is certainly one of the ways though! I used to be so against gap years, as I saw it as time wasting. However, if your exam results have been less than overwhelming, and you have lost your bearings, rushing into a course, just because you feel you have to, is the worst thing you could do. Why not take some time to think about it?

a)      You could find a part time and earn some money? At this stage you probably don't have enough work experience to make your big career move, however you could gain some. You will learn a lot of life skills such as organisation, money management, teamwork, and problem solving. It’s also a good way to socialise and keep your brains busy. In addition you will be able to save some £££s, and still have time to help your parents around the house.

b)      If, and only if you can afford it why don't you do some voluntary work, or take on an internship? It’s one of my personal gripes that interns are not paid by stingy employers, however you will reap all the benefits of a part time job (minus the money), and you never know, it can actually fast track you in the career path you wish to take. Also, maybe, just maybe your employer may eventually pay for you to study. My experience and frustrations of job hunting in the past stems from the fact that nowadays, employers place more value on work experience. Useful websites to visit are:

http://www.studentladder.co.uk

https://gothinkbig.co.uk

http://www.thebigchoice.com/School_College_Leavers

http://www.gapwork.com

c)      Again, if you can afford it and have a taste for adventure, why not do some travelling, and explore the world? Honestly, I wish I could have done this, but at that age I couldn’t afford to travel, and honestly, I was too sacred to! Ha! I feel doing this will open up your mind and expand your knowledge of different cultures (always useful in today’s global age). It will also instil in you the confidence you will need to live your adult life. You will be able to find some useful info here:

http://www.realgap.co.uk

http://www.oysterworldwide.com

http://www.statravel.co.uk

I will end it here, but I want to finish by reminding you of what I said earlier. There is a purpose for you here on earth. Just keep working, planning, thinking and rethinking. But whatever you do never give up. Always follow your passion and never sell yourself short. By this I mean, if you want to write, then write. Send articles to newsrooms. Start a blog. Write a book. Just pursue!

If you want to sew, then sew. By a sewing machine. Make things for your friends. Showcase your goods at small trade fairs.  I’m sure you catch my drift. Juts make sure you are following YOUR passion, and I promise you something that started off small will open doors for you.

I hope I have helped you a bit, but if you still feel unsure and would like to talk, please just send me an email at souljournersstory@gmail.com. I’d be more than happy to chat with you.

Study Time: Love (Part 2)

"And the second command is like the first: ‘Love your neighbour the same as you love yourself." (Matt 22:39, ERV)

Hi all.

The weekend was a largely family orientated one for me, which I loved! Saturday was spent with my sisters at Ghana Party in the Park, in North London. Lunches and blankets were packed and off we went! GPITP is what I can only describe as London’s biggest consumption of Ghanaian culture in one place, at the same time. It is held in a large green in Cockfosters, North London (forgotten the name of the park, lol!). It’s an outdoor event seasoned with musical performances on two main stages,  the sale of Ghanaian food and cultural artefacts, and entertainment for the children. Sunday morning was spent at church, and the afternoon was spent visiting Mr’s auntie, who is visiting London for a month.  

My sisters are all very camera shy!
(Actually, they just don't want to be featured on this blog!)

There is something about spending your weekends with family (especially if you do not see them regularly) which colours the two days with joy, relaxation and contentment. This was compounded by the lovely summer weather. This brings us to today’s blog post. We will continue our theme of love, focusing on love shared between family and friends. Please get your notebooks and bibles ready as we start Study Time: Love (part 2). Please check the last Study Time, for the meaning of love. 

First here comes the disclaimers:

Disclaimer 1:  Study Time will be purely devoted to Biblical teachings. My other blog posts will be general motivational material. 

Disclaimer 2: Please remember that the original intended audience of my lessons are young people, so please excuse me if Study Time appears to be too basic for you. (Remember, I teach young people!)

Key Bible Verses
1 Corinthians 13: 4-7

Genesis 4: 8-11
Matthew 22:39
Matthew 26:14-16
Mark 14:10-11
Luke 22:3-6

Storge Is described as an affectionate love shared between family members, or spouses. It is seen to be the most natural kind of love, the type of love us humans are most capable of.

Think about it, no matter how much your younger bro might annoy you, or your big sis may boss you about, in the long run you are unlikely to cut them off (fights aside). No matter how much you sass mum or roll your eyes at dad they will continue to provide a roof over your head and food in your stomach. As much you might feel ignored by your son or daughter,
one SOS call from them will most probably have you running to their aid.

En route to visit Auntie!

Examples of storge love in the Scriptures are of Abraham and Isaac; Mary, Martha and Lazarus; Mary and Elizabeth; and Jacob and Joseph.

I am by no means saying we always get it right, as we are not always patient or kind. We are also sometimes boastful, proud and easily angered, as we will see in the story of Cain and Abel (Genesis 4:1-16)

Cain and Abel

To sum up the story in a few lines, Cain And Abel were brothers, sons of Adam and Eve, the first ever humans. Cain was a farmer  and Abel was a shepherd. The Scriptures tells us that in the course of time, they both offered a share of their yield. Cain offered a portion of his produce, whilst Abel offered the very best lamb of his flock. God was happy with Abel’s sacrifice but not too fussed about Cain’s. Because of this Cain became angry. So one day, he attacked brother really hard and killed him. His punishment was banishment from the land they were in. He was cursed with being a homeless wanderer. But interestingly enough God did not kill him.

The story of Cain and Abel is an illustration of where love should have been practised but failed. Whilst teaching this to my youth group I decided to use this example, because I wanted to show them that the Bible is not full of perfect people doing as they told. I feel it is important to  stress this point if we are to have any hope of making the Bible relatable. It also serves as a warning to the dangerous consequences of some poor choices, and as encouragement to God’s kindness when we miss the mark.

Lessons Learnt

1.The Bible doesn't really spell out why God did not accept Cain's sacrifice. However, it does stress that when the brothers presented their wares before God, that Abel also brought an offering—fat portions from some of the firstborn of his flock. (v4, NIV)  So it could be because Cain's offering wasn't his best.Meaning it might not have been the freshest of his crops. Or his attitude wasn't right. This is highly likely because for his anger to have been roused that much probably meant his heart was not in the right place to begin with. This is a lesson that whatever we decide to offer to God, be it our time, energy or money, He should get the best, and you should give it with a cheerful heart. 

Always offer your best.
Packed lunch anyone?

2. This is loosely linked with my first point, but I'd like to stress on it again.  Practice love all the times, as your envy or hatred will be exposed eventually. How many times have you blurted something out that you shouldn't have, or done something impulsively. Chances are it didn't just happen. Luke 6: 45 tells us "of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks". I believe it was stored up hatred, which had been brewing since the day of offering that led Cain to do what he did. All he needed was a trigger. So young ladies and gentlemen pay attention to the condition of your heart! 
"And if you do not do well, sin lies at the door. And its desire is for you, but you should rule over it.” (Genesis 4:6b, NKJV)

3. You are your brother's keeper! It's our job to look out for each other. Cain responded "Am I my brother's keeper?" (v9, NKJV) when God asked him of Abel's whereabouts. That was a display arrogance, and nonchalance towards his duty of care towards his brother. Would God have cursed Cain, had he shown some remorse? I don't know, but what I do know is that Cain's curse came after that exchange.
"So now you are cursed from the earth, which has opened its mouth to receive your brother’s blood from your hand. When you till the ground, it shall no longer yield its strength to you. A fugitive and a vagabond you shall be on the earth.” (Genesis 4:11-12, NKJV)

A purchase from GPITP.
Sadly my sisters think it's a complete waste of money!

4.   God is watching the way you treat people. After Cain attacked his brother, God asked him "Where is your brother Abel?" (v9, NKJV). My guess is that God already knew what had happened. But he was doing that thing that parents do when they ask obvious questions, just before they go absolutely mental at you! What is most remarkable is this: The voice of your brother’s blood cries out to Me from the ground (v10, NKJV). The revelation here is that God's attention is called to the way we treat others, whether good or bad!

5.    As I said before, I find it remarkable that even in the Old Testament, God did not kill Cain. Although he was cursed, his life was spared! However, young men and women, I would like for you to make a note of this, Cain left the presence of God and lived in No-Man’s-Land (v 16, MSG). Beware guys, the way we treat our loved ones can drive away God's presence, and also drive them away leaving us isolated!

Are you treating your relatives with love? 

Remember you can pick your friends, but not your family, and God has put you with your family members for a reason. I know some family members are painful to be around and it’s OK to love them from a distance. You may not feel the affectionate storge kind of love for them, but you must love them nonetheless (we will look at what kind of love we should have for these painful people next time). However the important thing is not to not flout the maxims of Love, like Cain did. 

Let’s move on…

Phileo is a Greek term, found in the original scriptures which describes brotherly, affectionate love exhibited between friends. Biblical examples are portrayed in the closeness between David and Jonathan (an excellent example found in 1 Samuel 18 - 20);
Jesus and his disciples; and the fellowship of believers in the early church (Acts 2:44) 

With my bestie!
Unfortunately, Mr is also camera shy!

Judas Iscariot and Jesus

Again, when teaching this to my class I decided to focus on a Biblical example of people failing in their demonstration  of love. I enjoyed doing this, because I felt it helped them in identifying unhealthy relationships in their lives!

Here is a story we mainly focus on at Easter time, but I think it teaches a good lesson on what phileo is (and most importantly is not!)

The story here is simple, Judas Iscariot, one of Jesus' chosen disciples, betrayed Jesus for 30 pieces of silver. This led to Jesus's arrest and crucifixion. The act of betrayal was a kiss. The story of the betrayal is recounted in each of the four gospels, Matthew, Mark, Luke and John, and between them all you will get the full picture.

Lessons Learnt

1. Love is not self seeking (1 Cor 13: 5). Maybe Judas missed the memo. It is difficult to understand the reasons that underpinned Judas's actions. But what we are able to ascertain is that he was the treasurer to the group of disciples.  He was the one who kept the money bag for the group of followers. And he often stole money from the bag. (John 12:6, ERV). So we see he was a very greedy man, and this greed put him in the position where he would eventually compromise his integrity, his friendship and ultimately his life! Ladies and gents, be careful about greed because if not nipped in the bud, can put the love we should have for our friends at a compromising position.

2. Not everyone in your friendship circle phileos you. Note that Jesus picked Judas Iscariot to be one of his disciples (Matthew 10:4) In this case, Judas was in Jesus's closest circle of friends in order to fulfil God's plan. However the lesson we can draw from this is that not everybody that calls you friend necessarily loves or even likes you. 

“But here at this table, sitting among us as a friend, is the man who will betray me". (Luke 22:21) In my opinion it's safer to keep your circle very small, as it eliminates the likelihood of having false friends. This is something that will com with age. Asking God to  sift our friends is also a very useful thing to do (albeit painful!) 

On the flip side, please also ensure you are not that fake friend, showing fake phileo!

3. Sometimes when we say or do things to hurt our friends, our actions or words cannot be undone! 

When Judas, who had betrayed him, realized that Jesus had been condemned to die, he was filled with remorse. So he took the thirty pieces of silver back to the leading priests and the elders.  “I have sinned,” he declared, “for I have betrayed an innocent man.”

“What do we care?” they retorted. “That’s your problem.”

Then Judas threw the silver coins down in the Temple and went out and hanged himself. (Matthew 27:3-5)

Please, please be determined to treat your friends with love ALL the time. A simple action or word can set a chain of events in motion that can lead to destruction!

Has anyone been to Cockfosters before?

I hope you have enjoyed this installment of Study Time, and have learnt something new today. Our friends and family members play a big part in shaping who we are. And learning to display love to them at all times will not only develop us as people, and pleases God, but also nurtures and edifies them.  

If you have any questions on the material I have shared please drop me an email at souljournersstory@gmail.com, or post your comment below!